CHOCOLATE PERIOD!

Wow, the day has come girls. MY PERIOD is manipulating me!!! Well it is the week in the month that all girls wait for. You know that CYCLE of events that have you reaching for your tampons and jumping for joy! ..... no? ....me either.

Enter TODAY: I am on a STRICT diet because I am getting married in less than TWO months (which OMGosh I am ecstatic!) but a diet none the less. Yet here I was willing to sell my own mother for just a piece of chocolate. Well I can NOT go buy myself some chocolate... it just wouldn't be right. I have been so good on my diet, I can NOT let myself down.... So... I had the BRIGHT idea, (can you hear the evil period laugh?) if I buy everyone in my office some chocolate maybe they will share with me and then I wont feel like I am cheating on my diet, cause I did not buy it for myself!!!!

Let me stop here....Ladies HELP ME OUT HERE...Why do we intensely crave CHOCOLATE during this time of the month!? It is odd because I do not recall this coming up as issue on any doctor ordered blood test. Mrs period, your iron levels are just fine and your cholesterol is at normal levels but that cocoa level is just not healthy... I am recommending you stop at dairy queen on the way home and chase it down with chocolate milk and a candy bar.

Hey, I don't know about you but insurance covered or not I would gladly book an appointment with that medical facility TODAY.

As you might of guessed it is in fact the week of my punctuation.... er... period. And while that is too much information, it makes me feel good to vent about my need for chocolate, whew! a couple of m&m's and one blog later... I feel better! :-D THANKS FOR READING!

WEDDING DRESS

Of the significant experiences of a woman’s life, perhaps the most iconic is the moment she emerges from a dressing room, spies herself in a 360 degree mirror, and realizes that she has indeed found “the” perfect wedding dress.

I didn’t know I would have that moment, until I found my dress.

I was excited to try on dresses that day! I had the privilege of going with my soulmate's mom and we have a great time. I went in with expectations that I would find the right dress and just "know" but also that it may not be the very first day that I shopped that I would find a dress.

So we drive to a bridal place in town.....I found a couple of dresses that I thought were nice. Hopped in the dressing room and tried a couple on. Nothing... Not even a wow this is a cute dress moment. I wanted to tap my heart, like Hello in there are ya feeling anything about this one? It was just as if I wasn’t trying on the most important attire for my future. I didn’t find one dress that I felt even cute in. and certainly not as if it belonged in my wedding or on my body as a bride. I tried on 10 more dresses... nothing. (tapping my chest, hello heart are you there?) feel something!

I became discouraged in the car ride from the first bridal place to the second. I began to second guess my outlook I had, had on the day… Maybe I wasn't going to find a dress today, which I thought I had prepared myself for but was sad all the same. I though...SELF what were you expecting? to go in and just have some "fairy-tale" moment..... well yeah self, I kind of was.

The next place we went I saw three dresses that held lots more promise than the previous dresses. I tried on the first dress and it was gorgeous, yet not the one which was weird because really guys this dress looked like it could be modeled in a magazine. It truly was a beautiful dress and fit almost tailored...but no not the one. Which further caused my question. It really was an absolutely beautiful dress... why wasn't this it? It fit perfectly. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind... Was I expecting too much out of a dress? I know it is my wedding dress but am I expecting myself to feel something that will never come?

Tried the second- yuck. Now I was REALLY second guessing myself. Are you SURE the first dress was not something that would work? And hey don't be so hard on your self...self. I do not have to pick out a dress today. I can go a while and try on quite a few others and go from there.

So almost resigned that I wouldn't pick a dress today... I tried the third dress on and I felt the dress become me. I know that might be hard to understand but I knew in my heart of hearts before I even saw myself in one single mirror that this was the dress I was going to marry my soulmate in. It was an overwhelming sense of emotion and I started crying before I even made it out of the dressing room to see myself in the mirror. (I know a lot of girls cry as we are emotional creatures... I however do not cry at the drop of a hat, so this was a big deal to me.) I came out of the dressing room with tears in my eyes and sucked in a breath. It was MY wedding dress. It fit perfect and was everything I wanted. It was so amazing that I knew as soon as I put it on my body. I felt it, it was like the cloth was sewn for me. For the purpose of fulfilling my destiny, to marry my best friend. I cannot wait to stand in front of him that day and wear this dress.

HELLO from an unspecified NEW location

Update on me!

So late last year, I moved from the big city to a smaller town to be with my fiance. I wont lie.... I was caught off guard/unaware how rough it would be moving. I was so used to the atmosphere, the places, the stores, the schools, the roads, the people, my job, my family, and even small things you do not know you will miss like the restaurants!

Moving was a HUGE upset to my life. to put it plainly it rocked the foundation of everything I had known, become adjusted to and comfortable with. I didn't realize how much of a shell shock just going to a new grocery store would be and having to re-learn where all the food is located.

So while myself, and my wonderful kids, and also my fiance were adjusting to us moving here and moving in together we had a lot of drama from others, that my moving here caused, so again it was this unknown place, new job, new house, new school for my kids and now the drama that was thrown into the mix..... boy was I not in control!!!!!

However, while all of this is going on My fiance and I drew closer together. A time that could have caused fights, fear, doubt, concern. Instead drew trust, love, dedication and teamwork.

I have to say moving was the best thing that could have happened to me. It is encouraging to me and God has used this move as a lesson about fear in my life. Comfort is not always a good thing. My life is a 22 ZILLION times better and God has blessed me with the most wonderful friend and soon to be husband. I am overwhelmed at the things that life had in store for me. What if I had known what a huge upset it would be, would fear have kept me from moving???

THANK GOD that I didn't allow that fear to get in my way!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Every day that I live here with Geoff feels like a dream come true. You may read that as cliche but I really don't give a french toast! Its from the heart and it is truly overwhelming.

I am loving life, not for the THINGS that are in it.... but for WHO is in it. Thank you Lord for giving Geoff to me. I do not know what I did to deserve him but THANK YOU. My life is full of joy, gladness, love and 3 of the most wonderful children God could have ever blessed us with. ( I have two children and Geoff has a son that I claim as my own!!!)

I hope this blog serves as my own personal reminder to NOT allow fear of anything stand in my way. Fear can stop you in your tracks, even when you are on the right path. It can slow or remove success from your life if you give in to it.

"The answer, maybe, is going out & doing rather than waiting. If you wait, life will probably pass you by. But if you go out & do the things you want to, take the risks you fear, you may just find that everything slots into place." --Rob E. Geraghty

Moon Beams

So it seems that today two reports came out about the moon. Ahhh the moon. The controversial place we claim to have been.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090827/ap_on_re_eu/eu_netherlands_not_moon_rock;_ylt=AtQJSJ2mAU5WNhcvt23UhAx1fNdF

http://www.usatoday.com/tech/science/space/2009-08-27-nasa-moon_N.htm?csp=34

Add to these reports, the recent news of NASA "accidentally" erasing the moon footage tapes....Being a conspiracy theorist that I am...... I feel very well on my position today that we did NOT go to the moon. Vindication, is bliss!

America???? Hello? Are you there?

A report came out this week that we are investigating the way we treat the terrorist prisoners in our care.(http://www.reuters.com/article/domesticNews/idUSTRE57N2X020090825) Wait.... I need clarification here. The "Justice Department's ethics watchdogs" are concerned about the treatment of who????? These are the people that planned 9-11, have been part of planning and orchestrating numerous other bombings, attacks and killings of American people? Isn't 2009 the deadliest year for American over in Iraq? ( see article about 2009 death toll in Iraq http://in.reuters.com/article/domesticNews/idINISL11764020090825) The same people, that when an American is captured, they are shown no mercy and killed in the most brutal way they can think of. AND AMERICA IS INVESTIGATING HOW WE TREAT THESE PEOPLE?

America, HELLO? Are you THERE???? Are we, the people, serious? We are allowing the government to do investigating on BEHALF OF THE TERRORIST in PRISON, to make sure they have rights???? At the risk of repeating myself.....The same terrorist who would come over here and kill us all today, tomorrow, right now, if they could do it and not think twice about it. The United states is launching an internal investigation into this? And we wonder why there is a huge deficit and our country is so back-ass wards? WAKE UP EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you commit a crime against the united states, you shouldn't have ANY rights PERIOD.

Written for My Soul-Mate

There is a smile, that when seen hits somewhere deep down in the depths of who I am. It strikes a cord that is foreign and distant to me. It’s unknown, but has been searched for before I knew I was even searching…..

There is a color, more precious than gold, more brilliant than amber. It is a color that moves me. The rich beauty is unknown to words, because it is indescribable in any language that produces sound. It is best spoken in a look, for the color is found in the eye and I am the beholder, that is left frozen, unsteady and immobile but just a look. A look that says what words can never, it is in those eyes that I see the reflection of who I want to be.

There is a laugh, that when heard immediately releases the deepest stirrings of satisfaction. The low rumble tickles my heart and makes me smile with my entire body. It is a sound that makes a full day worth getting out of bed for, it is a sound that is known in my heart.

There is a hand, that when felt on my skin touches the inside of my soul and glides along all the deepest places in me, it somehow touches the places I have worked so hard to hide from the world, the touch is trust, acceptance, and comfort. It is a touch that feels like THE touch I have been sorely missing for an entire lifetime.

There is a kiss, that tastes the exotic taste of love. When kissed with that kiss, a loss of time, place, and sense ensues and I get lost, losing myself because it is the culmination of my senses overwhelmed with life, it is the meeting of the two pieces that make a whole.

There is a man that God beautifully crafted. He is perfect to me, not because he is flawless but because his flaws are exactly what I need. His love overflows the heart shape container I was made with to contain it. It does more than just satisfy me; it is what I need to survive, to live and to be who I am destined to be.

TV- the colored opinion

First I should mention that I hardly ever watch TV. Its not that I don't like TV, its just that I have other stuff going on and don't have time to watch it. Plus when I do sit down and watch it, I have found the content to be mindless garbage that ticks hours off your life, without gaining anything. With that being said, I am not judgemental I know there are alot of great and educational programs on TV and that sometimes you just watch to relax, de-stress and veg out. We all need that time in life!!! So I am not some anti-TV activist.

Last night, I flipped on the TV and the show Private Practice came on. The show is about Doctors who run a practice and the problems they face. The pediatrician in the Practice had a child in his office that had been overseas and contracted measles. It came out in the show that the mother of this child chose not to vaccinate her son after her older son had contracted autism from what she believed to be a vaccine. She said that he was a bright child passing all his milestones until she took him in for that particular round of shots and that after he was immunized (quoted from the show) "It was like a light went out in him" and she started seeing the early signs of autism.

I watched in horror as the TV show depicted this woman as a monster, an inhumane person. One that loved her children but was incredibly stupid, stubborn and inadvertently harming/killing her children out of her own "ignorance". In the end of the show the child died from the measles and the Dr went out in the waiting room and without parental authorization forcefully gave her youngest child the measles vaccination. He said it was to save the child's life and that she was not acting in the best interest of her children.

I was/am COMPLETELY horrified. I have chosen not to vaccinate my children. I am not some monster who does not love my children! That was the most asinine compassion to draw and the problem is many people who watch TV will take that show at face value and adopt the attitude that the growing number of parents that choose not to vaccinate should have CPS called on them. Let me be clear about something, I am not writing this blog to justify myself. I have done the research and for MY situation regarding MY children, the choice not to vaccinate is the best choice for us. I do not judge anyone who chooses to vaccinate. I am writing this blog to educate on the other side. Ok so my blog isn't read world wide but if one or two people stop by and read it and gain a bit of knowledge from it, than the blog has done its job.

I would like to throw out some facts.


* 500 deaths occur a year from the measles, this includes vaccinated individuals as well as unvaccinated individuals. (stat from WHO website)

* Prior to 1960 contracting the measles was an accepted fact of life. ( from children's hospital website)

I will start with the last fact and work my way back up. Before the vaccination was invented Americans as well as every other country in the world got measles, yes people have lost there lives to the virus, but people lose there lives to all kinds of viruses every single day. Look how many people get the flu shot and get the flu anyway and DIE from the flu. Vaccinations are not fool proof! Of the 500 deaths last year? In the whole united states? According to USAtoday.com over 45,000 people died of the flu last year! Of the 500 deaths that occurred from the measles, some of those deaths were people that had been vaccinated against the disease.

It upsets me a great deal to know that there will be people that watched that show last night and will now adopt the view that all parents who choose not to vaccinate are horrible parents, who are out to get there kids.

My son had a serious adverse reaction to a vaccination at 6 weeks for age. He almost had to be hospitalized downtown in the NICU. The doctors opinion on what caused him to react to the shot like that was, not the vaccination itself but that the shot was bad. I asked him at that point how can a shot be "bad"?? He said to me, if the manufactures do not get the formula just right with the preservatives and that, it can cause serious issues. Before you say anything I realize he was not a chemist in a lab that tested the shot, but he was a 20 year pediatrician. I think that qualifies him (better than myself) to judge a serve reaction to a vaccine because of the medicine versus some other byproduct.



Because of that situation I chose to never get my son vaccinated again, What if the shot had caused him a more serious reaction and what if we had lost him? That was not a chance I was willing to take. Since then he has had a serious reaction to penicillin and had to go to the ER because of that. Since then we have learned that His body is very sensitive to medications, allergies and any kind of change. He gets a horrible rash if I do not use a certain laundry detergent, if he gets a mosquito bite it swells and he has an allergic reaction. He gets hives and his entire face will swell up from a the smallest things that do not effect most people.

So judge me, if you want to. I chose the best option for my son and resent being made out as a incompetent parent (even on TV). I love my son and daughter with ever fiber of my being, my choices are not uneducated, and to think that they are is uneducated in and of itself.

One of the biggest things I think we all battle in life is the judgement of "the people".
We forget because the judgement hurts, that it is unintelligent and If we live in accordance to what others think, you'll lose yourself.

(I know I battle that!)



TO READ MORE ABOUT VACCINATIONS: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/152672/choosing_not_to_vaccinate.html?cat=70