Written for My Soul-Mate

There is a smile, that when seen hits somewhere deep down in the depths of who I am. It strikes a cord that is foreign and distant to me. It’s unknown, but has been searched for before I knew I was even searching…..

There is a color, more precious than gold, more brilliant than amber. It is a color that moves me. The rich beauty is unknown to words, because it is indescribable in any language that produces sound. It is best spoken in a look, for the color is found in the eye and I am the beholder, that is left frozen, unsteady and immobile but just a look. A look that says what words can never, it is in those eyes that I see the reflection of who I want to be.

There is a laugh, that when heard immediately releases the deepest stirrings of satisfaction. The low rumble tickles my heart and makes me smile with my entire body. It is a sound that makes a full day worth getting out of bed for, it is a sound that is known in my heart.

There is a hand, that when felt on my skin touches the inside of my soul and glides along all the deepest places in me, it somehow touches the places I have worked so hard to hide from the world, the touch is trust, acceptance, and comfort. It is a touch that feels like THE touch I have been sorely missing for an entire lifetime.

There is a kiss, that tastes the exotic taste of love. When kissed with that kiss, a loss of time, place, and sense ensues and I get lost, losing myself because it is the culmination of my senses overwhelmed with life, it is the meeting of the two pieces that make a whole.

There is a man that God beautifully crafted. He is perfect to me, not because he is flawless but because his flaws are exactly what I need. His love overflows the heart shape container I was made with to contain it. It does more than just satisfy me; it is what I need to survive, to live and to be who I am destined to be.

TV- the colored opinion

First I should mention that I hardly ever watch TV. Its not that I don't like TV, its just that I have other stuff going on and don't have time to watch it. Plus when I do sit down and watch it, I have found the content to be mindless garbage that ticks hours off your life, without gaining anything. With that being said, I am not judgemental I know there are alot of great and educational programs on TV and that sometimes you just watch to relax, de-stress and veg out. We all need that time in life!!! So I am not some anti-TV activist.

Last night, I flipped on the TV and the show Private Practice came on. The show is about Doctors who run a practice and the problems they face. The pediatrician in the Practice had a child in his office that had been overseas and contracted measles. It came out in the show that the mother of this child chose not to vaccinate her son after her older son had contracted autism from what she believed to be a vaccine. She said that he was a bright child passing all his milestones until she took him in for that particular round of shots and that after he was immunized (quoted from the show) "It was like a light went out in him" and she started seeing the early signs of autism.

I watched in horror as the TV show depicted this woman as a monster, an inhumane person. One that loved her children but was incredibly stupid, stubborn and inadvertently harming/killing her children out of her own "ignorance". In the end of the show the child died from the measles and the Dr went out in the waiting room and without parental authorization forcefully gave her youngest child the measles vaccination. He said it was to save the child's life and that she was not acting in the best interest of her children.

I was/am COMPLETELY horrified. I have chosen not to vaccinate my children. I am not some monster who does not love my children! That was the most asinine compassion to draw and the problem is many people who watch TV will take that show at face value and adopt the attitude that the growing number of parents that choose not to vaccinate should have CPS called on them. Let me be clear about something, I am not writing this blog to justify myself. I have done the research and for MY situation regarding MY children, the choice not to vaccinate is the best choice for us. I do not judge anyone who chooses to vaccinate. I am writing this blog to educate on the other side. Ok so my blog isn't read world wide but if one or two people stop by and read it and gain a bit of knowledge from it, than the blog has done its job.

I would like to throw out some facts.


* 500 deaths occur a year from the measles, this includes vaccinated individuals as well as unvaccinated individuals. (stat from WHO website)

* Prior to 1960 contracting the measles was an accepted fact of life. ( from children's hospital website)

I will start with the last fact and work my way back up. Before the vaccination was invented Americans as well as every other country in the world got measles, yes people have lost there lives to the virus, but people lose there lives to all kinds of viruses every single day. Look how many people get the flu shot and get the flu anyway and DIE from the flu. Vaccinations are not fool proof! Of the 500 deaths last year? In the whole united states? According to USAtoday.com over 45,000 people died of the flu last year! Of the 500 deaths that occurred from the measles, some of those deaths were people that had been vaccinated against the disease.

It upsets me a great deal to know that there will be people that watched that show last night and will now adopt the view that all parents who choose not to vaccinate are horrible parents, who are out to get there kids.

My son had a serious adverse reaction to a vaccination at 6 weeks for age. He almost had to be hospitalized downtown in the NICU. The doctors opinion on what caused him to react to the shot like that was, not the vaccination itself but that the shot was bad. I asked him at that point how can a shot be "bad"?? He said to me, if the manufactures do not get the formula just right with the preservatives and that, it can cause serious issues. Before you say anything I realize he was not a chemist in a lab that tested the shot, but he was a 20 year pediatrician. I think that qualifies him (better than myself) to judge a serve reaction to a vaccine because of the medicine versus some other byproduct.



Because of that situation I chose to never get my son vaccinated again, What if the shot had caused him a more serious reaction and what if we had lost him? That was not a chance I was willing to take. Since then he has had a serious reaction to penicillin and had to go to the ER because of that. Since then we have learned that His body is very sensitive to medications, allergies and any kind of change. He gets a horrible rash if I do not use a certain laundry detergent, if he gets a mosquito bite it swells and he has an allergic reaction. He gets hives and his entire face will swell up from a the smallest things that do not effect most people.

So judge me, if you want to. I chose the best option for my son and resent being made out as a incompetent parent (even on TV). I love my son and daughter with ever fiber of my being, my choices are not uneducated, and to think that they are is uneducated in and of itself.

One of the biggest things I think we all battle in life is the judgement of "the people".
We forget because the judgement hurts, that it is unintelligent and If we live in accordance to what others think, you'll lose yourself.

(I know I battle that!)



TO READ MORE ABOUT VACCINATIONS: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/152672/choosing_not_to_vaccinate.html?cat=70

The gym, the fat, and I'm ugly!

I am really struggling this week. I need to go to the gym more, weigh less and stop worrying about the stupid insecurities that pop up along the way.





I feel overweight and underattractive ;) and what I think I really need is a good slap in the face! HEY!!! I wonder how many calories that would burn??? ;)





So my blog today is dedicated to the silly things in life that burn calories! Cause really, it wouldn't be me without a little bit of silly mixed in!





Burn 100 calories the silly way....


1. Slather on lip balm 765 times.


2. Relive the '80s. Lip sync George Michael's Faith 16 times.


3. Wiggle while you watch TV for 40 minutes: Fidgeters burn up to 350 more calories a day than couch potatoes.


4. Milk a cow for 34 minutes.


5. Indulge your inner dork and do 27 underwater handstands.


6. Eat chili for a couple of days: Research shows that chili peppers boost your metabolic rate, burning 50 more cals a day.


7. Chew calorie-free gum for 9 hours.


8. E-mail for 68 minutes.


9. Drink 3 cups of green tea in 24 hours: Researchers say it can increase energy expenditure by 106 calories.


10. play interactive Wii Tennis for 13 minutes.


11. Swing a lasso over your head 375 times.


12. Shear three sheep (6 minutes per sheep).


13. Play "Chopsticks" on the piano incessantly for 41 minutes.


14. Sing the Grease original soundtrack from start to finish.


15. Have fun when you get back to work: Twirl 123 times in your office chair (try not to puke).


16. No game necessary: Do 780 jumping jacks. Yes, 780.




If I did all of these in a day I would burn 1600 calories! That's like 1/2 a pound of fat!!!! So as I close this blog, I am going to email, twirl around my office chair to find my lip gloss and while belting out "Faith"





I wonder how many calories my co-workers would burn laughing hysterically at me?! Or how many I would burn after I got fired for acting like a cretin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!